no matter how you slice it

It doesn't feel good to have your boobie removed. Thank God for pain meds, can't imagine what we went through in the days of yore. I don't miss it at all, but just can't wait til I'm healed and can move on from this. I took a shower yesterday by myself, like an idiot. I thought maye it would be nice to sit in the shower for a while after Ted and mom took little C to the dance recital. Everything was fine until I tried to put my surgical bra back on and couldn't. It took me 10 minutes and I guess it freaked me out a little and got me out of breath. Afterward, I sat down and couldn't catch my breath and had visions of cancer dancing through my lungs...good times. Even though I though I thought I was controlling my breathing, I guess I wasn't and it sent me into a panic attack. Never had one of those before. I never knew how physical they are, I tried calling the visiting nurse but they said it would be hours before she could get there. By that time, my body was going numb and my hands began to cramp. I ended up calling 911 just to have someone talk me through it, but they sent 3 towns worth of emergency response teams, silly waste of time. I told them over the phone what was happening, but apparently, they didn't think they were adequately spending your tax dollars. By the time the EMT's showed up 2 minutes later, my hands were so cramped I couldn't hold my phone. So weird and freaky, DO NOT try this at home! They got me breathing normally and within 5 minutes, I was able to sign a release from transport. I was tingly for about a half an hour as though my whole body had fallen asleep. For me, the funniest part of this whole experience was that my 14 year old stepson didn't know any of this happened until he came down from his room a couple minutes after everyone left. By that time, I was sitting in bed watching taxi and eating crackers like nothing happened. I think he thinks I made it all up:) I used to judge people a little bit when they told me their stories of panic attacks, I guess I figured they should just suck it up and be strong. I really thought I had been breathing, that I could control it, but until there was a 200 pound dude sitting there next to me forcing me to breath through my nose, I didn't realize I was hyperventilating. So weird! Yet another fabulous new in my life. Not to worry though, like I said, 5 minutes after they left, it was like nothing happened. Now if I can get the damned cat to stop jumping on my incision, everything would be just fine:)