Tuesday, June 28, 2011

clean scans old friends

Clean scans. The first time I heard these words uttered from my doctor, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. It seems like the world has gotten heavier though, and as much as I rejoice in my good fortune (this time round), I can't help but immediately think of what my many friends are going through(have gone through) when the news regarding their scans is "dirty". Mostly, I miss my friends who have succumbed to this disease.
I had my follow up today at Dana, and on my way home, I went to Prana, a raw restaurant outside of Boston that I used to go to with Bethany. As I sipped my immune boosting carrot smoothie on the drive back to Worcester, I went over the details of our friendship. Every word that past between us, the sound of her voice, her smile, walks we took when she was "healthy", and the ones we took when she was in a wheel chair, every part of our time together is vivid and alive within me. I cherish people like poetry, I keep them deep within me so that I can visit them always, and continue to learn from them whether they're there..or not. I suppose that all of us that participate in a cancer support group are vessles of memories. I think we all get how important it is to realize how vast and deep the impressions are cast within us as we develop friendships with other people who are part of the struggle.
I'm so happy to have a clean bill of health right now, I'm so grateful for my life and this crazy path that's allowed me to pierce through anything even close to being commonplace. More time with my babies, more time with my husband, more time with my family and friends...more time with my memories too..

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Don't piss it away

Not to steal blatantly from John Lennon, but imagine if everyone actually lived to their potential. What would the world be like if we didn't watch TV, if every decision was carefully weighed, if we really thought outside ourselves and opened our eyes to the rest of the universe? The single most annoying phrase to me is, "I'm bored". If you could take one second and freeze it in time, it'd take an entire life to exhaust all the possible ways of looking at it. Yet it rolls, unfolds and creates itself as we take each step. Enjoy it, don't piss it away!

Monday, June 13, 2011

6 years and 2 days of Charly Painter

Every night when I tuck my little angels in, I ask them if they still have their magic. After 6 years and 2 days, Charly still says yes. She and I both know that she's answering the underlying questions, "are you happy, are you creative, are you innocent, do you love life, do you believe in Santa, do you fill your imagination without boundaries?" I love the feeling of her head as she nods yes while we hug. She and I both know that this is how I get my magic. I'm grateful beyond all words that I've been able to tuck her in every night for this past year. Happy Birthday Beauty!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Commencement, Umass Med School Style

I shed a tear at commencement when Arthur Pappas was given an honorary degree for his many MANY years of service as a sports medicine doctor. I have a soft spot in my heart for little old men, so when they wheeled him out and honored him, he trembled with pride, and I broke like a little girl. I love when people are good to each other.. it makes the injustices that we all mediate a little less pronounced. I think that the kindness bestowed upon that gentle man on stage somehow erased negativity somewhere else in the world.
The rest of commencement was just as one would imagine, long gowns on a hot day, speeches from people who were engorged with the moment, palpable closure as we stepped off the stage, degrees in hand. It may have been a long LONG tough road, but it was definitely worth it. THE END!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Jen Goodman Linn, you are one bad MF(H)

Today I'm wearing my cycle for survival long sleeve jersey. I wear it to honor two women who continue to inspire me every day. Alyssa, who lost her battle to angiosarcoma a couple months ago, will forever be a part of every step I take. Jen Goodman Linn, who is fiercely battling MFH, is not only shaping the contours of my life, but has changed the entire landscape of rare cancer research. Jen, and her husband Dave, started cycle for survival in 2007 after being diagnosed (in 2004) with sarcoma. When handed a diagnosis of cancer, everyone fights. We all do what we can to survive, not just in years, but in this one moment. We fight for our sanity, we fight for our loved ones, we fight for one more minute in order to be engaged in this world. Sometimes however, people are inspired to carry the fight beyond themselves. Jen is the poster child of how to fight for all people with rare cancers. Beyond the 9 million dollars that cycle for survival has raised for rare cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Kettering, Jen has taken it upon herself to help people in ANY WAY imaginable. Want to be inspired by a modern day Bodhisattva? Check out her blog and see how she lives! Want to help her grow a legacy that will outlive our entire generation? be part of the cycle for survival movement!