Sunday, June 13, 2010
charly's 5
Sweet charly is 5. I can't believe it. I used to lament each of the birthdays, wishing they'd stay little forever. I have a different perspective these days and now cherish their growth. I want so badly to see them through their childhood. They're so little and need me right now. I watched the never ending story with charly the other day and in it, the little boy had lost his mother. When I explained that to Charly, her words were, "how terrible that would be". She's so innocent, and I know it's ridiculous, but I can't shake this feeling of guilt that gnaws away at me when I think that they will likely suffer because of me. I know there's nothing I can do, that it's not my fault blablabla, but when you're a mother and so protective of your babies, it's hard not to place blame, even if it makes no sense...especially if it makes no sense. I love every moment I get to share with them. Every time they smile at me, it's a little victory. I guess that's what they mean by being a survivor. No matter how temporary or long, everything that I get to experience, to participate in is a gift.
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You WILL see them thru their childhood and more! Your strong will, your fight, and everyone's prayers and positive energy coming your way will make it happen!
ReplyDeleteOur love, hugs, prayers, positive energy, you name it, is yours and coming your way! Blanca & Bob
YOU WILL WIN THIS BATTLE AND YOU AND TED WILL SEE THOSE BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRLS TURN INTO WONDERFUL WOMEN, JUST LIKE THE MAMA THAT IS GOING TO RAISE THEM. KEEPING UP THE PRAYERS DAILY FOR YOU AND THE FAMILY.
ReplyDeleteChris Kuhn Mitchell: I have that too Corrie. The other day Avery's Kindergarden teacher called to let me know she was hiding in the bathroom during the "Father's day" Celebration that her Pappy was late to and apparently while I was out of town my parents had neglected to tell her anyone was coming to "support" her. I felt such horrible guilt for what reason...I know not! Then I got mad at my husband...again for what reason...makes no sense and is quite funny and a bit sucky when there really is just no one to blame about shitty shit! Mother's Guilt is such a beautiful thing! :)
ReplyDeleteChris Kuhn Mitchell