Wednesday, May 26, 2010

drum roll..again

Angiosarcoma of the Breast, 3cm intermediate grade tumor with good margins but mastectomy anyway. There is is, definitive diagnosis...again. I was sure they would at least say low grade. I can't believe they gave me that week of hope. Pretty upset about that. All I could think when they called this morning is how unfair this is for my babies to have to go through. They are so innocent, they don't know anything about life except what we show them and I'm forced to show them that even if you're fit and eat right and go to school and get a PhD and run marathons and blablabla, you may still wake up one day and have to blog to your closest friends and family about intermediate grade tumors. It's better to know, I hated this past week. I felt totally paralyzed, now I feel like I can move, even if it's only to walk back into the MRI tube, at least I'm not frozen between totally fine and totally f'cked anymore. It's an odd sensation to feel relieved about this, but seriously, not knowing was worst. I'm going to push back my graduation date. I don't feel like I can really focus on science at this particular minute of my life...maybe tomorrow. I'm waiting to talk to my surgeon so we can make plans. The first thing I want to do is get a full body MRI, this thing did not show up on the PET/CT, not even my primary tumor, so I'm not comforted with the no metastic disease diagnosis given after not seeing it spread by that method. Right now, I don't know if this thing is advanced or not. So here we go...waiting. Sorry for the bummer news, I'm not happy to write it, I'll be back to my silly self soon:) And on that note, Have a great day..why not...

6 comments:

  1. Corrie,
    It does suck that you can do everything right and still have to deal with angiosarcoma. BUT the thing that you can teach your daughters through all of this is how to respond to things in life that are not of our choosing. I have heard it said that we cannot change the direction of the wind but we can adjust our sails. Cliche, I know but maybe some wisdom in it. My prayers continue for you and your family- YOU WILL BEAT THIS!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fucking Angiosarcoma!!! Words cannot express how sorry I am to hear this news. Hang in there - you can beat this thing!!! Love you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Why do words fail me when that's all I have to offer you. There are none. Everything would seem wholly inadequate. On the other hand your words are speaking to me. Your soul can speak.

    I will say though that your life and how you live it will always be a testament to the girls. You know they will always be "wicked" proud of you.

    You are always on my mind now.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Corrie, I've been sitting here for over an hour trying to think of something to say to make you laugh... I just have no words right now. I'm so very sorry. That week was bullshit. I think it's harder to hear this time. I'll be more positive tomorrow, I promise. Today I'm just mad.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Corrie, I'm so sorry to hear the news. I've been praying for you and I still believe you will beat this thing. There is no right thing to say to you but, keep in mind that kids are so resiliant and so much wiser than us. Your babies will help you get thru all this bull@#$#! They will be okay, they will be beautiful and so very wise. They will keep your perspective for you. You are so blessed to have such an amazing family and so many that love you. Stay strong and keep that sense of humor going. Don't lose that hope, miracles happen everyday. Maureen O'Pray ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love really does conquer all! Just keep rocking and hugging your girls, and they will adjust to anything....and as you probably know, they will help you adjust, too! All my love to you, Ted, and all! You are awesome!

    ReplyDelete