researching your own very special disease

Before I went into grad school, I was a technician in a cardiovasular physiology lab at Vanderbilt. A large part of my job consisted of culturing primary endothelial cell lines. As I read the details of my very own special and unique cancer, all the protocols used and cell lines established are the same as those that I used years ago. I feel well equipped to understand in exquisite detail just how fcked up my cancer is, why it's so aggressive, why we need to fund research, why we need to fund it now and fund it well! It really is a bizarre place to be. I imagine it wouldn't be too dissimilar to being the captain of a sinking ship. Intimately aware of all the nuances, but totally helpless with a head full of knowledge and impotent arms as you look down at the unstoppable gaping holes filling with water.