Friday, May 3, 2013
Tomorrow will be the third anniversary of the worst day of my life. It seems more like the third revisiting of an immeasurable span of time where days, minutes and months were indistinguishable. We all know that time can bend around large objects, but I think it can break right in half when trying to wrap around intense emotions. And so it is that I find myself with a personal fault line that separates my pre-cancer and post-cancer memories. I’ve intentionally kept myself very busy since May 4th 2010. Despite my haste to fill every nook of time with anything that could shield my brain from the ever looming statistical reality that my days were numbered, my life has continued to unfold. I could never have imagined that what started off as a good distraction would lead to some of the most profound relationships that I have ever experienced. Once upon a time I didn’t know people who were entering hospice at almost a daily rate, nor could I recite the tributes that their loved ones would write in their honor. It used to be that I would cry because I was sad, or I was happy, but never because I wasn’t sure which emotion was tugging the hardest at that moment. I hope that one day I’ll be able to go back and explore the rift that has so sharply divided my life, but for now, I’ll keep moving forward toward the next milestone. Charly’s 8th birthday? Here we come!