Thursday, March 10, 2011

If you have to ask how we are..then don't

Disclaimer: I'm not in a good mood, so this is me venting. Let me start off this post with one giant apology to everyone I'm about to piss off. Sorry. Now, to move on to the root of the matter. For the past year I have been shrugging off the "How are you's" from people who do nothing but pity me. I think I reached the point of no return when I went down to help my friend who just lost her husband and heard too many people ask her if she's "ok" or wanting to know "how she is". What kinds of questions are those? How exactly is a grieving wife supposed to answer them? Those questions should have some sort of universal mute button that is triggered when people thoughtlessly open their mouths in the face of tragedy.
In my life, I go about my day perfectly oblivious that I'm supposed to be scared, sad, and pitied, until I am greeted with the tilted head and inevitable and usually condescending "how are you, feeling good?" It's like finger nails on a chalk board and all I really want to do is scream expletives, but I of course either turn and ignore the person in classic Corrie style or I play the game and nod my head the same way I do every day to those repetitious words. Basically, the people that I confide in, already know how I'm doing. If you feel the need to ask, please keep in mind that those of us on the receiving end of your "outreach" may not feel like divulging how we "feel" at that moment that you caught us in the hall on the way to the bathroom. Typically, we just want to go to the bathroom. Should you find us crying in a shrunken heap on the floor of the bathroom, perhaps that's an appropriate time to ask if we're "ok". I know that everyone is well intentioned and that people just don’t really know what to say, but I’m here to let you know that saying nothing, or hello, is way better then unloading your perception of our tragedy on us at every awkward meeting.
Ahhhhhhh, I feel so much better now..thanks for asking.

1 comment:

  1. I used to feel the same way, but you also have to re-realize that some people ask because they care, but don't know how to show it, at a particular time. Some people, make things look more "dark" then they are (or not), by exagerating with concerns or simple "how are you's". But either way, if nobody would ask a simple "how are you" at all, then perhaps that would not be ok either, ah?