Sunday, April 29, 2012

I see leprechauns

I don't know much about psychology, but I'm pretty sure that I have post traumatic stress syndrome, or maybe contemporary traumatic stress syndrome? I see things. Ted says they're not there. My doctors agree with Ted, and so does the mirror, and the pictures on my cell phone. But when I look directly at my mastectomy scar, I see bruises and discolorations and leprechauns..all of which are hallmarks of an angiosarcoma recurrence. Seems like sneezing is a hallmark of an angiosarcoma recurrence. It's a tough challenge to find a balance between vigilance and full blown pyschotic meltdowns replete with hallucinations. Thank the lords above that I have many MANY reality checks, 99% of which are glances from my children. The last 1% is a conglomeration of what I once thought was important. So be it, I see things..if my scar starts to talk to me...I'll see a different kind of doctor;)


  1. Please take more time for yourself. Your last post about 3 days off is telling you that it needs to happen more often =) What you are going through mentally is totally normal for what you are going through physically. It is all horribly unfair. But that doesn't change things. I also know that keeping busy keeps the demons at bay.Just keep trying to find that balance! Hahaha- I should talk- keeping my sanity has been my #1 priority most of my adult life!!

  2. post-traumatic hypochondria...... Corrie, it is normal, I have it too...... Of course, being older, I am getting age spots, some of which are red......

  3. I can completely, totally, 1000% relate to this post. I read into every tiny little thing and jump to the worst-case scenario in my mind. PTSD is real with a life-threatening disease. In a way, I would worry more if we didn't worry so much, because to deny that bad things could happen is not necessarily helpful to survival. Vigilance is important, but there is a fine line between that and obsession. Finding balance is hard, nearly impossible. Your ability to focus on those wonderful, beautiful girls (and husband) and what is truly important is amazing. You seem to stay in balance most of the time. I continue to learn from you day by day.